Dealing with passive-aggression

Passive-aggressive communication is a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them. It can be difficult to identify and can sabotage relationships at home and at work.

It can affect productivity, collaboration, well-being and morale in the workplace.

Someone with passive-aggression commonly presents as avoidant, communicating deliberately poorly, procrastinating or even sulking. If you find that you are working with an individual whose passive-aggressive behaviour is starting to cause problems, try to defuse the situation before tensions escalate any further.

1. Maintain your composure

When someone is being passive-aggressive, don’t ignore it, but try not to feed into it. An instant emotional overreaction can impact your focus, well-being or even your reputation. Take some time to reflect on the situation objectively from the third-person perspective. This empathetic approach will help you deal with your feelings and emotions mindfully before the next step.

2. Take responsibility if necessary

Next, ask yourself if you may have had some impact on your colleague’s passive-aggressive behaviour. Think about the ways you reacted to them and see if you’ve exhibited your own negative behaviours. Then, when you talk to them, you can be ready with an apology for your part in the breakdown and share your plans for fixing the problem.

3. Talk to them about it

Now you’ve reflected on the situation, you can try to mend the relationship. Come in with clear examples of how their behaviour is affecting you or makes you feel. Also try to reword negative or confrontational language. You can also include positive reinforcement. This lets them know you appreciate them, but you’re concerned about an action or behaviour they are doing.

For example, if a colleague keeps coming late to your meetings, instead of asking: “Why are you always late to my meetings?” try “I noticed you sometimes arrive when my meeting has already started. I really value your opinions and ideas and was wondering if I could move it to a more suitable time for you?”

4. Set clear expectations

What do you expect from your colleague going forward? What do they need? With a dialogue now in place, the next step is to establish clear ground rules. All parties may need to modify some aspects of their behaviour. For example, everyone could be more direct when communicating. Agree on how you are going to handle the situation if the established expectations are not met.

5. Encourage open communication

When people feel like they can talk openly to each other, they’re less likely to be passive-aggressive. You can help foster transparency and trust by focusing on improving your relationships. You can do this by finding common ground and having positive and respectful interactions.

6. Speak to someone

If you can, address passive-aggression head-on to prevent escalation. Often, it’s a one-off caused by external stressors. However, if you are uncertain about approaching the person, or they’re unwilling to resolve the issue, reach out to your manager or HR for guidance. Remember to always prioritize your well-being, so if it’s making you anxious or affecting your health; talk to a mentor, your support network or a professional.

Next time someone is passive-aggressive, try to stay emotionally neutral. Then, use these tips to take a compassionate and direct approach to resolving it. This will help create an open dialogue where everyone is comfortable sharing their views.

The system is tough feed more on positive productive vibes at the workplace and stay healthy.

Enjoy a fruitful weekend folks!

AUTHOR: EMMANUEL DEHO