Don't be conflict averse

Being conflict averse sounds like a lovely mild and peaceful way to be. Wouldn't we all like to avoid conflict, what a charming and kind approach to existence?

But the reality of conflict aversion is far darker and more painful and its implications are anything but easy. Conflict-aversion doesn't just mean a distaste for a fight, it means a radical inability and unwillingness to get involved in a struggle of any sort because we are insufficiently not on our own side.

This may be due to two reasons: either we hate ourselves too much to dare to defend our own being or we think our life in its entirety is not worth fighting for. We cannot take up arms, even when this is very necessary and correct to our own survival and flourishing, even when our legitimate interests are at stake, because we are not inwardly convinced we should even be here.

Whatever our pacifist ideals, let's be clear: a good life is going to, and must, involve conflict and requires that we know how to deal with it with a secure sense of our right to do so. Every good active life will mean meeting people who, for a range of motives, will want to mess with us and do us down. In the workplace, these injurious sorts will be envious and competitive. In relationships, they may be narcissistic and vengeful. At least one in ten people is going to be against us.

Health demands that we be up for the fight, that we understand the likelihood of conflict, that we know how not to buckle, that we understand how to complain loudly and that we have in hand the number of a very good lawyer...lol.

Conflict aversion can be a symptom of shame and low self image. We run away from battles because we feel we deserve the harsh and unkind treatment of others. We defend their bullying against our own selves because we feel they are entitled to make their demands and we are just not worth it.

Naturally, we need to try to live in peace with all men and to be on the side of gentle play. But as importantly, we need to love ourselves enough to take up appropriate defences against nastiness - of which the world is unavoidably full (not a dark fact we ever need to panic about).

Health doesn't merely mean loving peace; it means having the self-respect to fight a just war when situation demands.

Kindly share your thoughts on this article in the comment section. Share with a friend as well.

Let's enjoy this weekend folks!!

[INSPIRATION: SCHOOL OF LIFE]