How To Apologize 1

An apology is a statement with two key elements. It shows you feel remorse over your actions and acknowledges the hurt that your actions caused to someone else.

With this definitions in mind, reflect on the apologies you've given over the years and check how many of them were sincere.

There is a huge difference between apologizing and clarifying/defending your point. I think that's what we all do sometimes. When someone draws your attention to something you've done to hurt them, our first instinct is to clarify things from our perspective. And that's okay. Sometimes, clearing a certain misconception your partner or friend have may take away the feeling of pain or hurt they harbour because the pain was based on a falsehood.

That being said, if after clarifying the issue and you know that you've offended the other person, be brave and apologise.

As humans, we want to believe we will never harm the people we love or are close to us. Thus, when we make mistakes, which we will undoubtedly do, again because we are humans, sincerely apologizing to that person makes us feel vulnerable. By owning up to our mistake, we open a dialog with the other person. That way, we can reflect on and take responsibility for our actions.

We often hear these common phrases from people and we also say them ourselves more often than we care to admit. These sorts of apologies doesn't make you vulnerable/genuine. It also prevents you from taking responsibility of the pain you've caused.

1. Sorry, if you say I've done so and so, then sorry.

2. If you haven't said/done so and so, I wouldn't have done/said anything bad, so sorry

3. I am sorry that you feel hurt by this issue ( this is great if you are not the cause of the hurt, otherwise it's not sincere)

4. I was just saying this and this and don't mean it that way, sorry

Don't "apologize" and defend your point at the same time. The key point of an apology is to see things from the other person's perspective. When you defend yourself, you are saying you are right and just feel sorry for the person for not understanding you. Apologising for hurting someone is not about you, it's about the other person.

In our next article, we will explore why apologies are difficult and how to do it right to maintain our relationships. Kindly share and comment what your thoughts are on this article.

Let's enjoy a fruitful weekend!