NO FORMULA TO LIFE!

Growing up, Mawuena desired a career. She needed a career in view of the fact that it provided her a sense of security geared towards being financially stable in the future. For her, this meant that if she finds a partner who earns enough to support a family, they can have a duo income. It also meant for her that, in the event that only her income remains, the family won't be in financial shambles. Mawuena is now a mother of two and would like to give up her career to spend all day with her children if that is possible. Unfortunately, that is not possible, as the family needs the two incomes to pay for all basic household expenses they are already used to.

30 year old Abla got married and had kids in her early 20's and insists that she would not change a thing. She believes there is no age limit on education or starting a career, but there is an age limit to being able to get pregnant and/or carry a child to term. Abla’s mother had her in her early 20's as well and she was basically a stay at home mom until Abla was a youth. She then started her career and now she’s in her 50's and still works in a respected high position that she enjoys. Abla maintains that if her mother has pursued the career before kids she may have ran out of time. She therefore plans on having a career too once her kids are grown.

Dzifa’s first unexpected baby came for her at age 39. 'My biggest blessing ever', she describes it. Currently she mourns the fact she waited so long, and almost entirely didn’t have a family. She says she would have adored and loved being a mom in her 20's or early 30's. “Yes it would have been different, but it would have been equally amazing and I would be aging at a more appropriate scale in comparison to my child. I did her no service by starting so late. She will not have siblings and the beautiful relationship siblings bring”, she exclaims.

Enyonam was brought up by a very strict retired police mother and she grew up to become a very high achieving student such that her lecturers submitted her name for every award and internship they could; they were excited for her to go off to start a career, but that was never what she wanted. She always wanted to be the best mother she could be. She married at 22 soon after graduating the university and got pregnant 2 months later. Nearly a decade with her husband and 3 kids later, she could not imagine doing anything else. She disappointed a lot of people when she decided to quit her job and stay home to home-school her kids.

The above four scenarios show how different and yet sustainable people’s choices with regards to marriage, parenthood, finances and timing are interwoven. About a century ago, people had families and they had almost nothing, but they survived. It has always been a choice, but back then the family was your social security, not government or a private loan shark. People are choosing not to have kids now if they are not financially ready and that’s okay.

It is a damn shame for humanity that we are at the point where an increasing number of young people are being priced out of parenthood. Asking young people to be able to afford everything in this increasingly expensive world whilst also being able to financially support a family is becoming an increasingly harder sell.

There is no formula to life but there are basics, principles and experiences worth learning from to keep us on our toes as we navigate through the vicissitudes of life; and frankly if you cannot figure this out based on history and experiences of others, you should not procreate. Cheers!